One more light album is a suicide note how to#

I heard him out, and a lot of times, thatвЂ™s all we want. So I got on the phone with this guy, and we ended up talking for two hours, where, by the end of the conversation he was in a much better place just because I listened. I mean, IвЂ™m kinda suicidal myself, but I always play the light for these people. A friend of mine, who actually prints our merch, he shot me a text: вЂњCan you talk to my little brother? HeвЂ™s suicidal.вЂќ I realized, throughout my life IвЂ™ve always been the guy that people call when somebodyвЂ™s suicidal. IвЂ™ve been at moments at my career where I felt like I was closer to imagined success, and then I lost it all and blamed others.ДЄlong with the record, you also opened up a hotline for fans. Everything that happens to me, I was fine blaming others. He who blames no one has arrived.вЂќ I think I spent the better part of my life blaming others. ThereвЂ™s a Chinese proverb that says: вЂњHe who blames others is lost. How did it feel to call yourself selfish so often across this album? That was the weight that was on my spirit. I put it under the rug, and then rug gets taller and taller and taller, then you just have a mess. Then I wondered, вЂњMan, why do I always have this depression?вЂќ I guess itвЂ™s a bunch of stuff that I never addressed. How do you even do something like that? ThatвЂ™s something that happened at 15, and from 15 to 26, thatвЂ™s not something I ever faced. I look back at my 15-year-old self in disgust. Like on вЂњ13 Reasons,вЂќ I mention pimping my cousin out at 15. Man, there were songs that I thought about removing because I didnвЂ™t wanna ruin certain relationships. Now my motherвЂ™s getting older, my fatherвЂ™s getting older, my sisterвЂ™s growing up, and IвЂ™ve been away for so many years-IвЂ™m missing birthdays and holidays. There was a point last year, where IвЂ™d been chasing this for 10 years. IвЂ™d rather be in bad company than alone, which would lead to more conflicts in my spirit.

One more light album is a suicide note how to#

I didnвЂ™t know how to be aloneвЂ¦ My friends and I were never really alike. I always had friends with me because I was afraid to be alone. I had a little apartment in Koreatown, had like four of my boys from Florida come with me.

When did you first feel that urgency to share? Well, Before I Jump plays like a record you had to write. I didnвЂ™t want to talk I didnвЂ™t have anything to say. I go and try to talk to somebody with extreme social anxiety, and I probably came off disingenuous. My early years in music, IвЂ™d have management and weвЂ™d go to events and theyвЂ™d be like, вЂњYou canвЂ™t be so quiet, you gotta go talk to this person!вЂќ My soul is like this quiet kid that doesnвЂ™t wanna talk, but you know, I love this music so much, so I think this is what you have to do. IвЂ™ve always been an introvert IвЂ™ve always been quiet. I spent a lot of time trying to belong, and IвЂ™m just at a point where, вЂњOkay, I never belonged in the first place, and IвЂ™m 100 percent okay with that.вЂќ For a while, my earlier years in music, I spent a lot of time just trying to be somebody else, because I was afraid of my truth.

I guess IвЂ™ve always had a certain discomfort with my spirit, like something just was off. Being 26 years old, itвЂ™s a bunch of things that I just ignored for my whole life and I think it had a subconscious effect on me.